Chinese Wisdom
Chinese WisdomMy fortune-cookie read: "A life fulfilledawaits the man who, as a flower, grows".I drank on this, and soon the wisdom spilledall over me, like fragrance from a rose.How long will I await...
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This was a delightful read and I like how the cookie-fortune became a vehicle the poetic conceit, which you have excellently sustained throughout the piece. I also like how the piece is circular and...
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I've read it each time, and enjoyed it.The ending might be improved by drawing more of a comparison to the cookies and the seed. I would play around with it. Off the top of my head:I'll continue as a...
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This is a delightfully original subject for a sonnet.Nicely developed metaphor.My only nits are with both "blossom" and "bloom" appearing in L5...and then "blooming" again in L10 which also suffers...
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A revision posted. Thanks to all for your time. The site seems a bit quiet these days, doesn't it?
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Nice job with the revision. It is almost done..."...Id assumeto have my share of such, and even moreto give, since none is evident as yet."Why would one assume to have one's share of such if none is...
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I meant it to be taken like this: since none (of these attributes) is evident as yet, I'll have even more to give than most people.And you'd assume to have your share, at the outset, just as much as...
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Lovely poem, I like the philosophy behind the fortune cookie "A life fulfilledawaits the man who, as a flower, grows", this could be developed in so many ways. I like the use of metaphor and...
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Absolutely delightful! It comes full circle in the most splendid and amusing way.
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YolThis poem has more to it than first met my eye and I think it is because the metaphor is just that tiny bit unsure of itself, if that is a possibility. The sestet is where I come to blows where...
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Sorry, Duplicate post of the last. That's two Last Posts, is it not? Two dogs' laments?Yours on wheelsPaddy RandellI guess one becomes content with one's poetry when one opens the book ten years hence...
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Paddy, thanks.An ellipsis is also used colloquially to show a line of thought that is incomplete or vague, or a wandering train of thought. Writers of popular fiction use it quite a bit in this...
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I don't see how you could improve on this anyhow, Yol. I looked in a time or two during the revision process, and I'm glad you didn't let it turn into McSonnet Soup.Much enjoyed -- thanks for it.-Mary
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